Soccer Poet

Congrats to the Georgia Bulldogs for getting a bid to March Madness! We’re probably the only bubble team that would be a top four seed if the basketball games were five minutes shorter. Hopefully we’ll continue our run of great starts and add a dash of close-the-door finishes. Women’s basketball is also dancing, so congrats to them, too! And while we’re at it, congrats to our softball and women’s swimming teams which are both ranked #1 in the nation. I guess the equestrian team isn’t really pulling its weight these days as they only check in at the nation’s #2 spot. Men’s tennis is ranked 9^thwhile their female counterparts are ranked 11^th. And the uber-dynasty that is the Georgia Gym Dogs rounds things out with the #8 national ranking. All in all, not a bad week for the Dawgs.

Izzy is a HUGE fan of the Gym Dogs, so I’ve been to a few of their meets and I gotta tell you, I’m completely blown away. I mean it’s just completely amazing! Talk about a show! When those girls come out of the tunnel through the smoke and the music is blasting and the lights are flashing and the student section is going bananas, well, it’s downright electric! It’s more than enough to give a soccer coach chill-bumps. And that’s all before their bodies start hurtling through Stegeman Coliseum like shiny red kernels of human popcorn.

I’m absolutely fascinated by the Gym Dogs. At Georgia they are total rock stars. I mean I knew nothing about gymnastics aside from that Olympic girl Mary Lou Hoo who vaulted over Mount Krumpet or something. Now I’m an avid counter, in hundredths of a point increments, and a hawk for deductions in the opponent’s routines. And to be fair, I sometimes find myself secretly hoping an opponent will… you know… fall. Okay, okay. Don't judge. I’m not looking for injuries. Just deductions. It’s all about deductions you see.

It took a few meets for me to figure out this newfound fascination, and then one night, as Cassidy McComb was blasting off the vault like NASA had launched her, it finally occurred to me… these girls are the closest thing I’ve ever seen to super heroes. I mean think about it. They’re freakishly strong – they can all lift like 72 times their own body weight; they can do more pull-ups than I can do toe-taps; they can climb pretty much any wall that isn’t coated in butter; and best of all, they can jump as if immune to gravity. And oh yeah, they’re completely fearless. I mean think about the pure absurdity of some of their exercises. Okay, I nominate the balance beam. On my honor I couldn’t walk from one end of that thing to the other without falling. Meanwhile, these girls just jump right up, do a complete back-flip and land right where they started. That thing isn't made out of goose down you know. It takes some serious courage to give that one a whirl. What prize nutter came up with that idea? If a coach ever told me to do a flip and land on an elevated piece of wood the size of bread loaf I would respond with a convincing, “I don’t reckon.” But these amazing, shiny, monkey-people do all that and more.

Can you imagine what it’s like to be a gymnast? They can be standing in line at the AM/PM and just do a back-flip without thinking twice about it. How cool is that! If I could do what they do I don’t know that I would ever just walk anywhere. I would totally abuse my powers. Want to watch me do front handsprings across this row of desks? Hold my Coke. I’d sleep on light poles and do somersaults over parked cars. I’d hang from ceiling fans like a bat. I’d be a total menace to society. Ah… If I only had the power of the Gym Dog.

As for Izzy, well, I think she just likes the costumes.

In other news… I’ve picked the top three for American Idol so you can just stop watching for a few weeks. The three finalists will be Casey, Jacob and Pia, with Casey edging out Pia in the finale.

There is so much talent on that show this year it’s spectacular. James Durbin is my dark horse pick. I’m also holding out hope for our Georgia Peach, Lauren, but I fear that she may be just a bit outmatched in a field so deep. Pity. (Get it? About the peach???)

And when I start talking about American Idol and making peach pit jokes it means I’m tired and getting punchy so let’s just call it a night.

Go Dawgs!